They say just like a grief, pain also occur in different stages or let me just say that there are different stages of pain. This was a new one…. To what i was feeling was beyond, it was so deep to what i have felt before, it was something new and it violently demanded to be felt, in a way pain never demanded before. It’s the kind of pain that swoops in and overtake everything . I felt like i was losing my breath, i felt like something in me is being removed forcefully. Like everything you do just remind you of how much you are struggling and you have no idea on how to stop this pain, all you can think about is, what if i could just stop breathing, only just for a moment, will i be alright, when i catch my breath will i still feel this horrible pain again. It beats me hard to the core.
….. They say that depressed and suicidal people do not really want to die, they just want the pain to stop and the only way to stop is to stop living. That where i was at. I was so weak and i did not have any strength to fight it, the pain took over….. I gave up and allow the pain to have me. It was so hard for me to raise above, it was a new pain.